Post-Op Day One

Post-Op Day One:

           This was an extremely challenging day. Challenging our patience, our nerves, and our faith. Jack's saturations dropped to an extremely low point and we saw incredible, experienced doctors panic. There were moments when we were faced with the fear that our son might not make it through all of this. Seeing the faces of the doctors and hearing them make desperate phone calls was beyond scary to say the very least. It was the kind of day that no parent should ever have to live through. We are thankful now that its over and we don't plan to ever have another day like that one. 

          The comfort that we have in being believers is that God is in there with us. When it all becomes too much, He is with us. When our tears fall and our hands shake, He is with us. When we fear the unknown, He is with us. When we face our worst nightmares, He is with us. The peace that transcends all understanding settles in the room with us and we know that He is there and He is in control. His plan will always prevail and it will always be what is best. Trusting may be difficult at times when fear creeps in the back door but He is infinitely patient. Then, when we finally find it within ourselves to trust completely, God delivers on a profound and amazing promise. That if you only have faith, anything is possible. Mountains will move. Praise God for that. 

          Jack's saturations we're lower than normal babies after the BD Glenn. They couldn't figure out why. By that evening, the two doctors that we are familiar and comfortable with (Dr. Law-Jack's cardiologist and Dr. Dable- Jack's surgeon) had gone home and the doctor that was there was the CICU doctor (Dr. Borisino) who seemed insecure and nervous. He made many comments about how scared he was and how he wasn't sure what he was going to do. Needless to say it was a scary time for us. There was talk about a possible need for another surgery. They said that the times that they have had to resort to this surgery in the past, they usually had to go back in two weeks later and undo it. That would be three surgeries in a couple of weeks.They told us that they wanted to avoid that at all costs because the risks would be so much higher now that he has just come out of one surgery and would be going right back into the OR. They continued to tell us how uncommon it was for a baby to have such low sats after this surgery and how they were so unsure about what could be causing it. Also inferring that they had no idea how, or even if, they could fix it. 
       By that night, we had grown scared and desperate. I emailed Dr. Dable and told him that I wanted him to know that Jack's sats were still really low and that Dr. Borisino was scaring us. I apologized for bothering him at home but I needed some reassurance that Jack was still going to be ok. This was the lowest, scariest moment for us. 


Isaiah 43:2 says, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." 


Never has this scripture been more true in my life than it was on post-op day 2. We passed through the waters that day but the good news is that we were only passing through. There were moments when we may have felt like the waters were sweeping over us, like we were drowning, but we didn't drown. God's word promises us that we will never be asked to carry more than we can bear. Only God knows our breaking point. And what you discover in those moments of desperation is that through God you can find a strength inside of yourself that doesn't really belong to you. That you could never muster on your own. But through God, that strength is there. 


We are warriors. Brave, strong, tough. We are fearless. 


Romans 8:31 asks us, "If God is for us, who can stand against us?" The answer is no one. No fear. No disease. No trial. Praise God, for He loves us and He is good. <3