Peace is something that we all take for granted until we need it. When we need it, peace can be hard to come by. I see people that I love struggling to find peace in their lives and I know that my heart knows the magnitude of its value more than most.
With Jack's next surgery just around the corner, I've been struggling lately to find peace. Everyone tells me that its natural to be scared after what we went through last time. Jack's Glenn surgery didn't go as planned. It was, by far, the scariest time of our lives. There were moments when we didn't know if we were going to get to bring our baby home. He got so sick. His heart didn't respond like other kids' hearts usually do. And he was just a baby then.
This time around he's four years old. A little person. He's got his own, larger-than-life personality. He's wild and fearless and spoiled rotten. He loves to play and watch videos on youtube. He LOVES his baby brother. He's simply wonderful. He fills our days with joy and laughter and I honestly don't know who or where we would be without him.
All of that just makes this time around that much harder. This time I'm not just scared of surgery. Don't get me wrong. I'm very scared of surgery. More scared than I could possibly express. But there is an additional element this time that we didn't have to deal with last time. This time he's not just a baby. He's our little boy. And how do we even begin to tell him what he is about to face? He is about to experience more pain and more fear than most experience in a lifetime. And nothing about that is fair.
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One thing I learned about life the day that my son was born is that life is just not fair sometimes. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason. Sometimes you just have to give it to God and know that even though He doesn't want the pain for us, He can still use it to make us into what He created us to be. Because there is one thing I know for sure... God does not want us to be afraid.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33
Fear is a part of our human nature. But that doesn't mean that we should allow ourselves to succumb to it. Part of our journey as Christians is to submit to Him daily, even when we don't know His plan. Even when His plan might not line up with our plan. His word says He will never leave us or forsake us. That means that He is always with us. He's with us in the darkest moments. He's with us on the brightest days. Always is always.
God doesn't say that we might possibly have trouble. He says that we WILL have trouble. Sin turned God's perfect creation into a fallen world and because of that, we all experience trouble from time to time. Regardless of the trouble that we face though, we know that God can pour peace into our spirits if we will only allow Him to do so.
Now let me just tell you... I can hold onto my fears just as tightly as the next person. Believe me. There are nights where I just want to cry all night. I just want to let it out and embrace the darkness. It is what our human nature tells us to do. Cry. Feel sorry for yourself. You don't deserve this. And I would be lying if I told you that I don't do it. I give in. I cry. I get crazy and have anxiety attacks and my poor, sweet husband has to calm me down and remind me to breathe again. But that is not the way that God wants us to handle our fear. He doesn't want us to let fear have our hearts. He wants us to give our fear to Him and let Him exchange it for peace.
Sounds easy, right? Here God. You take this awful situation and give me peace and tell me that it's all going to be fine and I'll just go on with my life like it isn't happening.
Nope. That's just denial. I do that sometimes too.
Exchanging fear for peace is much more than just pretending like your fear isn't there. It's truly learning to trust God to handle the situation. And it's hard.
Exchanging fear for peace is hard because it takes time and work. You have to dedicate yourself to God's Word and to prayer and you have to be vulnerable to Him and His will for your life. You have to relinquish control. And anyone who knows me at all knows that I am not good at giving up control of anything. In fact, I would venture to say that my friends and family would probably call me a control freak. So giving God complete control is always a work in progress. And I mess it up and take my fears back all the time. I'm certainly no example to follow in this area. It's something I'm working on though. It's something God is working on within me. And I'm thankful for the lessons, though they are difficult ones to learn.
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble." -Psalm 46:1
God's plan is already in place. He already sees the light on the other side of the darkness that stands in front of us. And He stands between the darkness and us and He shields us because He is our refuge. He pours His strength into our veins and breathes His peace into our hearts as we walk through to the other side. Then He heals the wounds that are left and leaves us only with scars that remind us who we once were and how far He has brought us.
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