The morning had been hectic. I didn't get any sleep and had to get up super early to get myself, my family, and all of my stuff ready and loaded up to go bring another person into the world. In the weeks leading up to Harrison's birthday I realized how different this experience was going to be than it was when Jack was born. We have been assured (after MUCH testing) that this baby was going to come out healthy and happy. This meant an entirely different experience awaited us. I'm thankful for my go-to new-mom best friend, Morgan, who patiently answered every single question that I had about what to pack and what to expect.
After wayyy too much thinking and stressing, I packed, we loaded up, and we headed to the hospital. We managed to get all of our stuff, including our sleepy and grumpy toddler up to the room. The nurses immediately told me to get into my gown and we would get started. Just like that. It's baby time.
They started with lots of questions, a painful IV, weird and uncomfortable pressure socks, really yucky tasting liquid medicine, and even more questions. I was SO blessed to have my life-long best friend's precious momma, Cindy to be my nurse. She was amazing and just like having my own mom there with me through it all.
After we got all of that pre-op stuff out of the way, we just started waiting. Surgery was scheduled for 8:00 sharp. For the next hour and a half lots of family shuffled through to give me their blessings before I went into surgery. Jack was in and out with different family members, not sure what to think about Mommy in the hospital bed.
My precious friend Megan came in about an hour before surgery. She was there as our birth photographer (and WOW! She was amazing! More about that to come…). Josh and Megan got all decked out in their sterile surgery gear before we went back to the OR. When it was time I asked if I could pee one more time and then I got wrapped up in my blankets and walked to the OR with Cindy.
When we got in there it was time for my spinal. This is a seriously scary part for me. I had no issues whatsoever with Jack so I knew it would be fine but still, scary nonetheless. I immediately started shaking… More from the nerves than from the actual cold but it WAS seriously cold in there. But, hey. This wasn't my first rodeo so no surprises and not-so-scary so far. I hopped up onto the table with my gown draped around me. Cindy stood in front of me for comfort. The absolutely precious anesthesiologist got started with the numbing shot first. Not fun but not unbearable. Then the big needle. I survived. Then the weird onset of numbness climbing up my body. A completely indescribable feeling. Then I was on my back being prepped for surgery.
At that point it was lots of nurses shuffling around doing prep work. They would speak to me from time to time and speak to each other. I just laid there anticipating the first cry of my new baby boy. What was he going to look like? Blonde hair or red hair like Jack... or no hair at all? Was he going to be a 12 pounder?
After all the prep work was done, one of my favorite people on the planet came into the room and loved on me. Her sweet words and warm smile brought me comfort in one of those 'Someone is about to cut my body open and pull a human out' moments. She was my doctor- the one who was gonna do the cutting and the baby pulling. But more importantly, she was my friend. And what a blessing it was to have her play such an important role on such an important day in my life. I'm forever grateful to her for choosing to be there with me on that day.
Baby time.
Josh and Megan were brought back in and Josh sat on the left side of my head while Megan walked quietly around the room doing her fabulous photog-ing. It was time and I was ready. I was fuzzy brained so I don't remember every detail but I do remember this...
Cindy- "Crystal!! He has a head FULL of dark hair!"
Me- "Are you serious?"
The whole time I was pregnant people asked me this question... Do you think he will have blonde hair or red hair like Jack? No one, including myself, gave this kid a chance of having dark hair. Not to mention that Jack was quite bald. So we were expecting little to no hair at all. But we would soon find out that our little H... He's his own little person. Not much like his brother at all. And it started with that head full of dark brown hair.
Before we knew it he was out, Tal was holding him up so I could see him. And he was absolute perfection. Then he was off to be cleaned up.
7pounds and 10 ounces. 19 and a quarter inches long.
Perfect sats. Yay.
Then they handed him to Josh and my foggy brain watched them walk out of the cold white room.
As soon as they left I realized how cold I was. The excitement was over. Now it was time to put me back together... and I was all alone. It felt like it took an eternity. I wanted my baby. I wanted my husband to hold my hand. My foggy brain was confused about why they left and where they were going.
I shook hard while they worked hard to close me back up. My teeth chattered and I was nauseated and my body and my brain felt weird. My shoulder hurt for some reason. I still don't know why. I prayed. I missed my family. I cried. I was glad that Talia and Cindy were in there with me. They checked on me from time to time and Tal told the anesthesiologist that I was probably nauseated and wouldn't tell her if I was. She was right. So they gave me medicine that helped. Then I was just cold again.
When they finally finished they put 1000 warm blankets on me but I kept on shaking. Cindy said its because the inside of my body was cold too. I couldn't think straight because of all of the shaking. Then they moved me over to my bed and wheeled me to my recovery room.
Then, finally... my family.
Now, I have to be honest... The whole rest of that first day is just a complete blur. I remember all of the people coming in and out but I don't remember any specifics. They gave me a pain pump. Cindy came in to tell me that if I press the button every time it lights up there won't be enough medicine left at the end of each hour.
--As soon as the feeling starts to come back it hurts. It hurts worse than anything you've ever felt in your whole life. And you don't want to move an inch. And you press the button because it helps with the pain but it also puts more fog into your brain.--
I fought to stay awake for the rest of the day to see all of the people who came to see me and H. One by one they cuddled my new sweet boy. He was perfect.
Jack came in with Josh and he looked at H like he was maybe an alien and maybe I was too because I was all hooked up to monitors and still in that scary hospital bed. But he eventually climbed up with me and cuddled me and he sat in a chair with his daddy and they looked at H together and touched his head before he had to run off and have more fun with all of the visitors and the presents they brought him.
The nurses said that I could get up at breakfast time in the morning. This was one of the biggest differences in my birth experiences. With Jack I was up within an hour of coming out of surgery. This time it was slow and steady. And I was miserable. I was sweaty and yucky and hot and had way too much stuff hooked to me. I couldn't deal with it any longer and at 4am I made Josh go get the nurse to come set me free. One by one she unhooked and disconnected me until I was completely free. Then it was time to sit up.
This was the moment I had dreaded since the day that I found out H was on the way. Josh got on one side of me and the nurse got on the other. I braced myself and then slowly started lifting forward. I got almost all the way up before I let go and crashed back down. I took a second and a big deep breath and then tried again. This time I got all the way up on the edge of the bed. Then it was time to stand. It took work and tears but I did it.
Then I did something crazy. I took a shower. By myself. I almost passed out at one point but I didn't so all things considered... I was pretty impressed with myself. I even put on make up and fixed my hair. Crazy right? As it turns out I think I was still just really heavily drugged because I didn't put on make-up again for like at least a week after that.
By the time I was out of the shower my little nugget was ready to nurse and then cuddle.
The next two days we had constant visitors. Harrison was passed around and cuddled and loved on. I cuddled him and soaked him in every second that someone else wasn't holding him. Jack came in and out with our parents. He held H in a chair and had his picture made. He climbed on my bed and danced around the room and played big and then left to go on more grandparent adventures while Mommy and H were still in the hospital.
Those two days were two of the sweetest days of my life. I felt like the most blessed person who has ever lived. I had been given everything I've ever wanted. I just soaked it all in and thanked God for these glorious blessings. I prayed over my boys and learned every nook and cranny of this new little face. I kissed him a million times. I loved him so much and it was brand new but I couldn't remember a time when I didn't love him. My heart was so full.
On the morning that H and I were to be discharged I woke up with a terrible headache. I am not one to get headaches so I assumed it was because I had been in the bed for 3 days. I took a shower before they brought my morning meds. That was a mistake. The headache got so bad that I blacked out in the shower. I got out and got dressed and when I started crying my mom called for the nurse. She came in and laid my bed all the way back and said that I had a spinal headache. She told me to drink lots of caffeine and lay flat on my back. It helped. They said that if it didn't go away in a couple of days I would have to come have a procedure done to make it go away. It didn't sound fun so I decided that I could just deal with the headache.
Then, me and H got dressed and ready to go. Josh loaded up the car and they wheeled me and H out of the hospital. We arrived at our house about 2 minutes later. That was the BEST part of living one mile from the hospital.
The reality set in shortly after we arrived home. Moving around was hard. Getting up and down was even harder. And we had a toddler who had missed us for 3 days and needed out attention and love. H was eating at least every 2 hours at that point and we were struggling a little bit with nursing. The hospital high was over and it was time to start this new chapter of our lives.
We survived the first day at home. I decided to sleep in the chair in the livingroom and we put Harrison's cradle next to my chair. The first few nights were hard. I was trying to heal from the surgery while getting up and down all night with a new baby who wasn't a fan of sleeping at night.
Then on the third day that we were home I woke up with Bell's Palsy. I had never even heard of it so needless to say, it scared me. I called Morgan who called her mom who then called me and talked me down off the edge of a total breakdown. I was crying so hard that I couldn't even make words to explain what was happening. I got it out though and she reassured me that it sounded like Bell's Palsy and that it would go away. I made an appointment with Talia and later that day she then confirmed that it was BP and prescribed me the medicine I needed to help it go away quicker. It lasted for about a week and then started to slowly fade. It took a good 2-3 weeks to go away completely.
H checked out healthy and happy at his one month appointment with Dr. Farr. He weighed in at 7 pounds and 8 ounces. He was eating better and just so stinking cute.
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Day after tomorrow will be my sweet little guy's three month birthday. Time flies.
We've gotten into a really good little routine and H is almost sleeping all night these days. He is the sweetest baby. He smiles all the time. He never cries unless he's hungry... but when he's hungry, you better be ready right that minute or its going to be ugly. He hates his carseat. He loves his lamb swing. He's a morning guy like his mommy. He LOVES his brother, even though he can be pretty rough. He loves to be cuddled. He falls asleep during his bath some nights when he's extra tired. He giggles at his daddy. He loves to have his head scratched and his butt patted. He's the happiest baby and he's the perfect addition to our little world. God made him just for us and he fits like a puzzle piece that has been missing all these years.
I'm not sure if our puzzle is complete now or not. God will let us know eventually one way or the other.But for now, I am soaking up every single second I get being a mommy to the two sweetest boys in the world and praying that God will make time slow down so that I can hold them a little longer.
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