As I’ve been going through multiple edits of the book, I have been reliving some of the most difficult and challenging moments of my life. And while reflecting on those days is never easy, it has given me the opportunity to really sit down and consider how much I’ve learned and grown, not only as a mother, but as a person in general over the past seven years.
As I look back on our time spent in the hospital, the days leading up to surgery and the difficult days that followed, I can now see the path that God had laid out for us. I can see how He was guiding us along every step of the way, even though I could not see it or understand it then. As I read back over my own tear-filled words from some of the most challenging days of our journey where my hope was barely hanging in the balance and fear was on the verge of overtaking me completely, I can see clearly now how God held me together and provided me with just enough peace and assurance to sustain my broken spirit. I can see now how He answered each and every prayer in His own time, and how we are all better for having lived according to His watch rather than our own.
It would, of course, be a lie for me to say that I’m glad this happened to us. For all of the days of my life, a piece of me will forever be broken because of it. However, I can say with full veracity that I am okay. I know that may not seem like much to you, but it’s big for me. There were days when I thought that the brokenness that existed deep down inside my soul would never allow me to find my way back to the peace and the light that I once took for granted . There have been moments when I felt that the the fear that pumped through my body like the blood in my veins was so heavy and intense that it would crush me into dust. But now, in retrospect, I know that while Jack was facing a physical battle, I was facing a spiritual one. A battle that was preparing me for something that He would one day call me to do: share my story.
For most of the book, my spiritual battle is on display. Goodbye comfort zone! Being vulnerable and open about my own inner struggles is not something I’m ever super excited to do. But, as they say, where God guides, He provides. And this statement rings true for me more than ever in this experience. As for the blog posts, I just wrote exactly how I felt in the moment. Vulnerable, open, ugly, truth. It covers the medical details of what Jack was going through along with my thoughts and feelings about things as they were happening around us. Sometimes positive, sometimes not even close. Always raw and real.
After seven years, I have come to understand that all of it has a purpose, far greater than my finite human mind will ever be able to fully comprehend. But knowing that He has a plan and He has a purpose will have to do for now. So I prayerfully, if not hesitantly, accepted the calling to put my words on paper and send it out into the world. In no way am I expecting to see Facing Goliath on the New York Times Bestsellers list. ---Well, actually, let’s just pause right here for a second… I’m not going to limit what God can do so if that’s where he wants my little book to go, then by all means I’ll gladly autograph your copy after you stand in line at the local Books-A-Million like everyone else. (Totally kidding friends. A girl can dream, right?)--- But what I do know is that I needed this when Jack was born. I needed someone who had been in my shoes, who had walked that path that I was about to head down, to tell me every detail of their journey. I needed proof that my kid was not the only kid on the planet with this disease and that I was not the only person who had ever struggled through these circumstances. I needed to know that I was not alone, that it was okay to be terrified, and that ultimately, there was life after this storm that was in front of me. So my ultimate prayer is for God to put this book into the hands of those who need it the most and for God to allow me to minister, through the pages of this book, to the families who will one day embark upon this journey and who will desperately need the words of hope and the promises of His faithfulness that only human experience can provide. I pray that every heart that reads our story will be reminded of the goodness, grace and mercy of the God that we serve.
Right now we are in the final stage of the review process. It's been a long road but the pieces have all finally began to come together. I will keep you all updated through my social media and I will certainly be screaming from the rooftops when it hits the virtual shelves of Amazon. Please be in prayer with us that this story will reach the hands of those who need it the most.
